AR41: The Pull of Unhealthy Connections and the Distortions of Love Language

Lily is in a situationship with someone who hasn’t been truthful, leaving her caught in breakups and emotional turbulence. We dive into how this connection affects her energy, what it’s really teaching her, and how she can start moving forward.

We explore how the love language of touch can get distorted, drawing us to physical intimacy even without a deeper connection. I share exercises to help Lily connect with her higher self and her heart, uncover her truth, and make aligned choices.

Plus, I open up about my own experiences staying in misaligned relationships in the hope of finding the love I was seeking.

Transcript

00;00;00;04 - 00;00;23;06
Annette Dalloo
There are any number of ways that you can be in connection with somebody and have it work for you. You can set your own rules. You can make your own rules, but make sure they're your rules that you're playing by, not somebody else's. So when you come into your heart space to start making these rules, so to speak, and I'm saying that lightly because rules can change.

00;00;23;06 - 00;00;47;26
Annette Dalloo
You can change your belief systems, you can change your rules. Things can shift and change over time. That's not a big deal. But for now, really kind of connecting into your heart and asking yourself, okay, what is it that is truly important? What do I want out of a connection, and what am I willing to accept, and what am I willing not to accept?

00;00;47;28 - 00;01;12;01
Annette Dalloo
Welcome to the Akashic Recordings. My name is Annette Dalloo. I'm an Akashic Conduit channel and spiritual guidance coach. What you will be hearing today is a real session with one of my clients. All the names have been changed for privacy and of course, with their permission, we are privileged to hear these beautiful stories to allow us a small glimpse into the Akashic Records.

00;01;12;02 - 00;01;35;12
Annette Dalloo
If you would like to book a session with me and be part of the podcast, please feel free to head to my website at Infinite Soul love.com. When you book your session, just make sure to check the box that you would be interested in having your session utilized for the podcast. Lili came to me with some questions about the current relationship that she was in at the time.

00;01;35;14 - 00;02;01;10
Annette Dalloo
We dive into the idea of staying in a relationship that is not serving you anymore, that is not healthy, that is in fact harmful to your energy and why we stay in those connections. In addition, we talk a little bit about the love language of physical touch, and I'm going to expand upon that in the discussion as well.

00;02;01;10 - 00;02;18;23
Annette Dalloo
And what it means to define your own rules in relationships.

00;02;18;25 - 00;02;36;10
Annette Dalloo
So tell me, what would you like to talk about today? Mostly when I booked it, I wanted to talk about a particular relationship in my life and then I didn't manage to come up with really any other things. That's okay. So I was like, we can start there. And then as there is more time, I'm sure there's other things to look at.

00;02;36;12 - 00;02;52;14
Annette Dalloo
Sure, we can kind of see where the guides want us to go after that. So yeah, no problem. We've talked, I think, a couple times and I was like, I think I've come with not a lot of questions and it's been okay. Yeah, absolutely. That's usually the case. Like sometimes I actually have clients who come in with zero questions and they're like, I don't know.

00;02;52;14 - 00;03;06;03
Annette Dalloo
I just felt guided to book a session. So I'm like, all right, let's see what they have for you. You know, so cool. Okay, cool. Yeah, that totally works. So okay, tell me a little bit about the relationship that you want to know about. We were seeing each other for two and a half years, and I thought it was more than it was.

00;03;06;04 - 00;03;27;21
Annette Dalloo
He's been seeing other people, which I kind of knew, but I didn't know the degree to which that was happening. He ended it, and then he came back. And I haven't yet, like, fully cut him off. But I'm like working up to that. And so I'm just wondering if there's insight into our connection. Like past and if there's any purpose to it in this life.

00;03;27;24 - 00;03;49;08
Annette Dalloo
Yeah, certainly. So when he came back, did you decide to engage again? Is that why you're thinking about cutting things off now? Is that what happened? Oh, yeah. He's broken up with me several times over the two and a half years. But it's like we didn't really have to break up because we weren't really in a relationship. And this is the first time where I was like, okay, I'm actually done when he ended it.

00;03;49;08 - 00;04;16;16
Annette Dalloo
But I did reengage. Like, I haven't been able to to say to him under, okay, all right. So we can explore that, then we can explore what the connection is, what you are needing to learn in this situation. And how you can proceed forward. That would be great. I'm seeing some really good stability in your root chakra. And then I'm seeing something that is sort of like, almost like a piece of fabric that's kind of like floating in and out of the light.

00;04;16;18 - 00;04;34;28
Annette Dalloo
And what this is, is this is a shadow of something from the past that keeps on coming into play. And this does have to do with the relationship you're speaking of. Okay. So the nice thing is, is that they're showing it to me like as a piece of fabric that's floating in and out. So that means it's on its way out and it's very close to being gone.

00;04;34;29 - 00;04;55;23
Annette Dalloo
So it's not super rooted in there. It's not stuck in there. It's just kind of something that keeps on coming up. So you can take a look at it okay. There's something here about your sexual energy being sacred. There's a part of your body that is your physical body that is almost rejecting anything that isn't aligned for you.

00;04;55;24 - 00;05;26;14
Annette Dalloo
And so you may have noticed over the course of this relationship where your body might be reacting in different ways to the physical interactions, and that has to do with just the energetic incongruence, if you will, between you and this partner. Yeah, they're saying it could be presenting in different ways, like UTIs, or it could be presenting in ways where like you feel in your physical body after being physical with him, some sort of imbalance.

00;05;26;18 - 00;05;49;17
Annette Dalloo
This is here to teach you about personal power. It's a bigger subject matter. We'll dive a little bit more into the records when we get there, but it is something that you are learning in this lifetime. I'm hearing knowing what you actually want, even though you were aware of your partner having other partners. You kind of convinced yourself that you were cool with it.

00;05;49;19 - 00;06;09;21
Annette Dalloo
And what you're trying to identify is what is it that you actually want and need? Because there's nothing wrong with if you are cool with it, but it's just a matter of why are you cool with it, right? They're saying, like when you said, you know, you knew he was seeing other people, but not to that to the extent that he was.

00;06;09;24 - 00;06;37;07
Annette Dalloo
What is that difference? Right. And I'm not asking the question specifically. It's just kind of an overall question. Right. And I speak to it. Yeah. Go ahead. Well and in like learning the degree, it's like the degree to which he was actually just lying to me about like everything. Okay. Is what it's revealed to me is that the things he would tell me were going on for him when he was unavailable would make me sympathetic to him, but it was really just that he was doing other things.

00;06;37;11 - 00;06;59;24
Annette Dalloo
It's not that he was having a hard time or mentally ill or sick or all these things. So it was mainly the lack of transparency, the lying. Yeah. Your heart chakra looks good. It's in a space, though, of not knowing what it wants. This is in regards to your ability to connect to others and what you want out of the connection I'm hearing.

00;06;59;24 - 00;07;25;22
Annette Dalloo
I don't know how to love and that has to do with outside factors. Your heart intrinsically knows how to love. Your soul knows how to love. That is something that is a constant because you are love. The challenge comes in when you are not getting that love reflected back at you. So either you're not having it reflected back at you, or you were not able to receive the love that is being given for you.

00;07;25;27 - 00;07;51;17
Annette Dalloo
This challenge in the heart chakra, though not knowing how to love, has to do with the reciprocal energy that has not been received. So when you're not in reciprocal energy, you wouldn't know how to love because you don't know how the other person is actually giving or receiving love because you're not receiving it from them. And so it's almost as if you're swimming in a pool and you don't know which direction to go.

00;07;51;18 - 00;08;06;02
Annette Dalloo
The image they're giving me is almost like a kiddy pool, too. It's like it's not very deep. It's a very shallow pool, but like, you're still kind of stuck and you don't know which way to go. Your crown chakra is looking really good. It is open from time to time. You don't have it open all the time, but that's okay.

00;08;06;05 - 00;08;22;10
Annette Dalloo
You're getting the messages that you need. Your third eye is interpreting them well. That's interesting. You're getting the messages, but you're saying, like, I don't know how to do that. Like, I don't know how I go about doing that. So, like, you know what? You're here to do? You know what you're meant to do. You don't really know how you're supposed to do it.

00;08;22;14 - 00;08;41;26
Annette Dalloo
And they're saying, like, you don't need to know the how. Okay. So they keep on showing me this in regards to your current relationship, and it's almost as if you want to speak and then you don't because you almost don't even have the words to express what you're feeling and what you want to say. And then it almost feels like it's a waste of breath.

00;08;42;00 - 00;08;58;28
Annette Dalloo
So then you just don't. There are a lot of things that haven't been spoken. There are a lot of things that you haven't said. I want to thank you. Coola my Akashic Guide. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Do Archangel Metatron and Archangel Santa for being here as well, guiding us through the Akashic Records. Today we are opening up the Akashic Records.

00;08;58;29 - 00;09;25;16
Annette Dalloo
All right, so then let's take a look at your soul's origins. Like where you originated together. You have had past lives together. Oh, interesting. They're saying that the past lives that you've had together, though, are irrelevant. So I'm saying you've had two past lives together. This is the third. And basically what you are meant to do is clear his energy out of your life.

00;09;25;19 - 00;09;45;09
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. The situation that you have going on now is very similar to the previous situations you've had in the previous lifetimes. And so this is the lifetime where you're meant to extricate yourself from this person, the energy that they're showing me, and I hope I can describe it. It's like that's a good description. Thank you. It's like Swiss cheese.

00;09;45;09 - 00;10;05;08
Annette Dalloo
You have all these holes all over the place, and it's not solid. And it's in the process of crumbling. And that is a good thing because in the past, the connection that you had between the two of you was much more solid. You were much more reticent to leave him. You were much more entangled in who he was this time around.

00;10;05;08 - 00;10;27;09
Annette Dalloo
Like the hold that he has on you is not strong at all in comparison to the other lifetimes. This is why they were showing me in the root chakra, like a piece of fabric, like blowing in and out. It's like this is just something that needs to be cleared. It needs to be cleared out. Okay. Can I ask you, have you had any other relationships in your life where you've had this same situation?

00;10;27;10 - 00;10;48;19
Annette Dalloo
There are a couple of other ones that have some similar aspects. I would say, okay. What are the similar aspects that you would connect to your current partner? It was all about them. Okay. The initial one was in my early 20s and I just kind of like gave up my life and followed them around. And then he had a baby with another woman while we all lived together.

00;10;48;23 - 00;11;08;05
Annette Dalloo
And he was really also good at lying. And, and then there was another guy that I dated for a few months a couple of years ago, but he was more clearly insane and I was like willing to do it because of the sex. It's almost like I'm like, having sex has this value that I'm like, yeah, okay. I can like put up with all sorts of things.

00;11;08;08 - 00;11;28;16
Annette Dalloo
But like, he wanted me to take care of him. He wanted to move in with me and I said no. So he felt like it was like the starting of just like, no, like I won't put up with that. But there was still three months or something like that. Is that enough information? Yes, absolutely. So what they're showing me is that those two relationships were preparing you for this one.

00;11;28;19 - 00;11;56;14
Annette Dalloo
Okay. Because there are a couple of different ways that these things can come about. Sometimes we end up with the same person that we're sort of dating over and over again. And sometimes that is for the reason of breaking out of a particular pattern that we have created for ourselves. That's not the case for you. This is not a pattern that you've created for yourself from previous lifetimes.

00;11;56;20 - 00;12;30;28
Annette Dalloo
This is a very soul specific situation that you were meant to clear. So the reason why you had those other two relationships earlier on was to show you this is to remind you what is going to be coming up, and you need to be able to stand up for yourself and, and step away. Right. And so it was almost like practice for you to be able to do that with these other two souls, because with your current partner, it's exponentially more difficult because of the soul connection you have.

00;12;31;00 - 00;12;53;07
Annette Dalloo
Yeah, because of those previous couple of lifetimes. So you signed up for those experiences, knowing and understanding that this was like a training ground for what you were going to be experiencing for this, they want to be very clear about what you are meant to experience and learn from this situation. The experience is not about making him see the errors of his ways.

00;12;53;09 - 00;13;14;05
Annette Dalloo
It is not about teaching him any lesson. It is not about trying to get him to see your point of view. It is simply for you to take your power back and walk away. You said something very interesting earlier about how you would put up with a lot for the sex. Do you know what your love languages? No.

00;13;14;05 - 00;13;36;13
Annette Dalloo
I can kind of relate to all of them, but like I would say physical touch if I was to pick one. Exactly. Yeah, that's the reason why I brought it up. Because when your love language is physical, touch, any type of physical touch, whether it be hugging, kissing, sex, cuddling doesn't matter what it is that is going to be your gateway to receiving love.

00;13;36;16 - 00;14;03;21
Annette Dalloo
The challenge with that is that sex can often mimic that feeling of love for you, since that is the way that you like to receive love, even when it's not enveloped in the experience. They're saying to me, you have felt the difference in that. You felt the difference between being intimate with somebody, having sex with somebody, cuddling with them, all of those different physical type touch experiences.

00;14;03;24 - 00;14;32;22
Annette Dalloo
You can tell the difference when the person is engaged, when their soul is engaged, when they're wanting to connect with you, wanting to share that love connection and when they don't. And the problem with your current partner is because he is not giving you the love that you're looking for. You're trying to get it in a way that is the path of least resistance, so to speak, which is through physical contact.

00;14;32;25 - 00;15;02;01
Annette Dalloo
The problem is, he does not know how to connect to his own heart in order to find what it is that he's looking for. It's the reason why he's connecting to so many different people, because he's looking for something outside of himself that he needs to find within. If he were able to actually connect to his heart and understand who he is as a person, as a soul, and learn how to love, he would be much more discerning about the people he connects with.

00;15;02;04 - 00;15;22;24
Annette Dalloo
But that's not happening at this moment. At this moment, he's like I'm hearing like throwing things at a wall to seeing what sticks. Yeah. So other than the physical, what are the other aspects of your connection with him that are sort of keeping you tied to him, keeping you connected to him. I guess there's like he's a musician.

00;15;22;24 - 00;15;45;09
Annette Dalloo
So I think there's part of me that's, that feels like we would be a good together in that way. Okay. For what reason? Well, I mean, like I was taking drum lessons with him like this, more skilled than I am. And so I guess there's, like, I want to do more musically. So there's. That is funny. Okay. I don't know what else is drumming something that you really want to pursue?

00;15;45;14 - 00;16;12;01
Annette Dalloo
No. Okay. No. What I want to pursue is like songwriting, okay? And drumming is a fun thing. It gets me out of my head. Okay? And I thought it would make me like a better musician to have that on a rhythmic base. Okay, so sense of humor, somebody who's funny and somebody who can pique your interest, maybe offer something more to you than you have experienced so far.

00;16;12;06 - 00;16;30;24
Annette Dalloo
Yeah, I get some sense of like value or something by being a person in his life that doesn't judge him, even though he's like a disaster, which that doesn't feel like a healthy thing. But I do feel like there's some tension in that. People are often like, oh, you want to save him or you want to change him?

00;16;30;24 - 00;16;55;29
Annette Dalloo
And I'm like, it's not that. It's just that I can be somehow superior to the people in his life, because I'm not judging him for the way that he is. So there's nothing wrong with being in Non-Judgment. And in fact, that is something that we all need to strive to do quite frankly, the challenge that I believe your friends or other people are speaking of is wanting to change him, wanting to do all of those things.

00;16;55;29 - 00;17;29;05
Annette Dalloo
Well, you can still hold space for somebody from a distance. You can still hold that non-judgment. You can even hold love in your heart for somebody from a distance. It doesn't have to be while you are involved in their chaos. There is a part of this spiritual journey that can become difficult because when we start seeing people from the perspective of their souls, we can start to see that everyone is worthy, that everyone is beautiful.

00;17;29;08 - 00;17;51;09
Annette Dalloo
We can start seeing their wounding and say, I know exactly why this person is the way that they are, because they are so transparent in their wounding, and so it becomes easy to look at them and say, I see who they really are as a soul, and I see the good in them, I see the beauty in them, and all this other stuff is just their wounding.

00;17;51;15 - 00;18;14;14
Annette Dalloo
It can be very, very easy to get caught in that trap of saying, well, I know that this person is X, Y, and Z because I've seen it and because I see their soul and then doing yourself a disservice by engaging, waiting around, being in a space of saying, I know what kind of person they are. And so I know that person is going to come out eventually.

00;18;14;19 - 00;18;49;18
Annette Dalloo
So it's not quite a I'm going to save them, but it's more of a maybe I'll just wait it out until that real person comes out. And that isn't always healthy either, especially when you become the target practice for a lot of that wounding. If you were able to be neutral in your energy surrounding him and the things he lies about, the things he hides from you, then my question would be, what are you looking to get out of the connection?

00;18;49;24 - 00;19;10;27
Annette Dalloo
You don't have to necessarily answer that at this moment, but it's something I want you to really connect to. What am I getting out of this connection and why? Is it something that I want to stand now, have you sat down and connected to your own heart to ask yourself what it is that you would really like to have in terms of a romantic connection?

00;19;11;01 - 00;19;34;15
Annette Dalloo
I have a sense of it. Okay. Can you describe it at all? Well, I would like somebody that I can talk to and who is present and like, cares about me. And you feel like you get this presence and communicative connection with him. No, no. So what I would like you to do is imagine that you have a court of light coming from the top of your head, and allow that court of light to go all the way down into your heart space.

00;19;34;19 - 00;19;52;06
Annette Dalloo
I want you to take a deep breath and breathe into your heart. And maybe if it helps you can put your hand on your heart as well and ask your heart what it is that it needs in regards to this connection. Are you getting any sensations or any messages? If I was to interpret, it's like because my head is there, right?

00;19;52;06 - 00;20;17;09
Annette Dalloo
And I'm like, okay, if I just stay here, it's like, actually just stay and you'll know what to do. Like you'll know what to say when you're ready. I know this is an odd question. What I want to kind of explore a little bit is the idea of polyamory. Is that something that has ever interested you, or is that something that you have thought about in any way?

00;20;17;12 - 00;20;42;13
Annette Dalloo
Yeah, I'm curious about it, and I don't really think that relationship with one person is relevant to a relationship with another person. So I was like, I'm kind of open to it. I don't feel like I need multiple sexual partners. But also my experience of people when they get into a relationship is they often shut themselves off with other people of the same sex, particularly.

00;20;42;13 - 00;21;01;09
Annette Dalloo
So you can't have like a real connected experience with someone because they're like, oh, I have to only do that over here. Okay. Yeah. So there are aspects of it that I do find interesting. And with this particular person, I was like, I know what his reputation is. I know what his history is. It's likely that he's seeing other people.

00;21;01;09 - 00;21;17;27
Annette Dalloo
And as long as my interaction with him is good for me, then then that's okay with me. But he's not really okay and he doesn't want to talk about it. And everything's a secret. And like, what I'm not okay with is that he's like, oh, I'm sick. I'm in the hospital. But then his car is parked at this other woman's house, right, right.

00;21;17;27 - 00;21;44;17
Annette Dalloo
And I'm like, well, okay, cool. But why can't we why can't we just be open about this? Like, I already know you're seeing her. You told me. Anyway, when it comes to what you're looking for in a connection, what is really important is for you to really get solid on what it is you're looking for, what you want to explore, and what is the most important aspect of the connection.

00;21;44;20 - 00;22;10;10
Annette Dalloo
So from what I'm hearing, truth is very important, regardless of whatever that truth is as well as a deep and meaningful connection that you have, where both of you are present in the time that you have together, whatever that looks like for you, you can explore and you can come up with various different ideas of what you would like to try.

00;22;10;16 - 00;22;35;27
Annette Dalloo
So if polyamory is something that you would be interested in looking at, let's say, think about all of the ways in which that could play out and feel into your heart which things feel good and which don't. And by that I mean there are some couples that are in a committed relationship with each other, and then on occasion, they bring in a third person.

00;22;36;02 - 00;22;59;21
Annette Dalloo
There are times when you could have somebody who is in a connected relationship, and each person is able to have a person outside of the connection, or multiple people. It really has a lot of different purposes. It has a lot of different reasons, and it really is up to you and where you are in what is okay for you.

00;22;59;24 - 00;23;33;02
Annette Dalloo
And if you feel like you are settling simply because you want to be with this person, that is one thing. Okay? If you feel like having multiple partners is something you're okay with, as long as everybody is on the same page, then that's a whole other thing. Okay, so aside from this connection that you have with your current partner, there is some homework that I want you to do, sort of on the side, which is really dive into these feelings and really identify what is right for you.

00;23;33;05 - 00;23;55;22
Annette Dalloo
And that might take some exploration, that might take some experimentation, and that could be a lot of fun to work through, right? It just depends on where you are and what feels aligned for you. Yeah. So during this time with your current partner, have you had the desire to have another partner or go and find another connection, or have you had the opportunity?

00;23;55;23 - 00;24;17;04
Annette Dalloo
I've gone on dates, mostly when he breaks up with me, okay? And was like, I'm done, I have to be alone. Okay. And how are you feeling in those moments when he tells me he's done and he needs to be alone? Those moments. Oh upset you know sad. So the dating feels to me energetically like getting back at him as opposed to something you actually want to do.

00;24;17;08 - 00;24;40;20
Annette Dalloo
Yeah I'm kind of done for now. Like yeah honestly I'm just trying to get clear about like what I want to say to him or if there's anything to say or what I want to do, and I just want to spend some time with myself being single, because that's not a thing I've done. Yeah. And that's where this exploration is coming in that the the guides are kind of encouraging you to do.

00;24;40;20 - 00;24;56;09
Annette Dalloo
Now, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to physically explore all of these things, but it's just sort of like going through that hard exercise of connecting to your heart and saying, all right, what is it that I really, truly want? Because I think you really need to get clear on that before the universe can bring you what you really, truly want.

00;24;56;11 - 00;25;16;06
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. Because right now, what's happening from a manifestation standpoint is you're continuing to engage with somebody who is lying, who is breaking up with you a lot, who's doing all of these things, and you're continuing to engage in that energy, which basically tells the universe, yep, I'm cool with this. Give me more of this. Does that make sense?

00;25;16;11 - 00;25;37;02
Annette Dalloo
Yes. Yeah. So we want to move that from the current category of these are the things that I want to focus on into the other category of these are the things that I do not want to focus on. These are the things that I don't want because I've clearly experienced this enough times to understand that every time he breaks up with me, it really upsets me.

00;25;37;02 - 00;26;00;26
Annette Dalloo
I get really angry, sad, grief, all of those things and understanding that each time there is non truth. And the reason why I'm saying non truth is because there is a difference between truth and honesty. Somebody can be honest about something with the ability to leave a whole bunch of things out. So for example, he could tell you like, oh hey, I went here, here and here.

00;26;00;27 - 00;26;23;12
Annette Dalloo
That could be honesty about where he was. But he left out the fact that he was with this other woman and did all of these other things. Right. So the truth is, what happened, the actual truth of what happened. And you can be honest about a whole bunch of things while leaving elements of the truth out. What about the truth is a necessity for you?

00;26;23;16 - 00;26;52;14
Annette Dalloo
Is it because it makes you feel safe? Is it because you feel that in your heart you deserve that kind of respect? To have the truth? Is it about trust? What is it about? Yeah, I mean, I would like clarity about what's going on. The really fascinating thing about clarity is that once you feel in your heart and in your soul that somebody is connected to you, engaged with you, present with you, has that reciprocal, unconditional love.

00;26;52;19 - 00;27;21;20
Annette Dalloo
Clarity isn't necessary. So when you get to that place of connection on a soul level, does your partner need to tell you everywhere they went that day? No, because there's trust there. There's truth, and there's honesty in the way that you feel because you can feel it. You can feel it. Well then this made me feel like I can't trust myself of course, because what is at odds at the moment are the two different scenarios that are happening, which is the thing that's happening that he's doing.

00;27;21;20 - 00;27;44;29
Annette Dalloo
And your own intuition. Yeah. Because your intuition is screaming at you. Your intuition is telling you all kinds of things. The the challenge sometimes with that is that your intuition is screaming at you, and then your brain kicks in and your brain is like, well, okay, he's doing all kinds of things. So your brain starts making up all kinds of stories which may or may not be true, but regardless, it puts you in a space of heightened anxiety.

00;27;44;29 - 00;28;06;10
Annette Dalloo
It puts you in a space of like anxiousness in terms of like where you stand in terms of what is going to happen. It starts creating all of these emotions within you that are almost not necessary. Okay. When you start feeling that anxiety of, oh my gosh, he lied. What else is going on? What else is happening? At that point?

00;28;06;16 - 00;28;27;08
Annette Dalloo
It is about asking yourself, why does it matter at that point? Why does it matter what he's doing? The only question that matters is why do I still need to experience this? And you don't, you don't need to experience it anymore. And in fact, the main reason why you were together is so you don't experience it anymore.

00;28;27;10 - 00;28;46;05
Annette Dalloo
As you said, though, the time and place and way in which you end things is up to you in terms of when it happens, how it happens. The guides are just simply saying, don't wait too long. I don't think I can, like I'm pretty done. I'm hearing the words exhausted. Yeah, I'm pretty done. I'm pretty exhausted. Yeah.

00;28;46;05 - 00;29;04;28
Annette Dalloo
And I don't know what I need to be like. Okay. For real, I'm done. Or now I'm willing to tell it. It's like I can't come back from once I tell him that'll be it. Yeah. Like he keeps coming back when he's the one that ends it. But if I end it, there's no coming back. He's out of town and then he's back for a month and then he leaves for two months.

00;29;05;02 - 00;29;25;25
Annette Dalloo
I mean, that does sound like a good time. I'm like, he's going to be gone. I can just like, relax and do my own thing and decide what I want to do in terms of like if I write him a letter or a text or a book, or. Right, because I know, like you said, that there's nothing to tell him or show him or explain to him about my perspective or his behavior or his perspective.

00;29;25;25 - 00;29;51;17
Annette Dalloo
Like, right, he just is where he is. And that's like, I can't change that. If, however, you ended up deciding to sever the connection, would you be able to stand in your truth and in your power? Even if he came back and said, please, please, please take me back? I think that's what I'm like. Waiting for is to be there and certain that I can do that.

00;29;51;17 - 00;30;16;28
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. So what's interesting about blocking people? I always am amused by the whole blocking of people. Okay, right. And the reason why it amuses me is because, I mean, I myself have done it. I mean, everybody in the world has done it. At some point, I'm sure to somebody either a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever, the blocking has nothing to do with the other person.

00;30;17;00 - 00;30;38;27
Annette Dalloo
It often has to do with your own confidence, right? In being able to hold your own boundaries. Now, of course, there are times when you block people if they're harassing you, that kind of thing. Now that is about them. Yeah. But like I'm talking about in this particular type of situation where, you know, you set a boundary and you say, that's it, we're done.

00;30;38;27 - 00;30;58;00
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. And then immediately block the person. Most of the time that has to do with the lack of conviction you have in your own boundaries. Yeah. And that's okay. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do in order to feel strong in those boundaries. And the more you draw those boundaries, the more often you do it, the easier it gets.

00;30;58;00 - 00;31;20;20
Annette Dalloo
So let's take an example. Let's say you have broken up. You're no longer dating. It's been six months. You start dating again and you come across another person who is doing the same thing. You might recognize that within days and you might say, you know what? Nope, not going to do this again. And you don't need to block that person.

00;31;20;20 - 00;31;35;24
Annette Dalloo
You're just going to end it. And then walk away, because at that point, you might be strong enough in your own convictions to know what you want to say. You know what? No, I know this is exactly the opposite of what I want. So I'm going to move forward and find somebody who is more aligned with what I want.

00;31;35;26 - 00;31;51;22
Annette Dalloo
The reason why I'm saying this is because don't feel like you have to be like 100% solid in certain and exactly your convictions of what you're going to do when you break up. There's going to be an aspect of you that is going to doubt. There's going to be an aspect of you that's going to wonder, and that's okay.

00;31;51;23 - 00;32;11;11
Annette Dalloo
It's part of the process. What is important is that you get to a space where you're like, you know what? This is it. I'm done. I can't experience this anymore. And however you need to set that boundary, you're going to need to set that boundary in whatever way you can at that time. And if it does mean blocking it, then do it.

00;32;11;13 - 00;32;36;20
Annette Dalloo
It's totally fine when it comes to blocking somebody either energetically or physically on a phone or something like that. The challenge with that is also that it becomes a point of resistance in your experience. So I like to describe it as shut doors. So if you can imagine you're walking down a hallway and you have all of the doors opened up to you, all of these doors are all opportunities or different opportunities.

00;32;36;24 - 00;32;58;19
Annette Dalloo
And you walk through the first door and that opportunity was crap and you didn't like it, and you slam that door shut. And as you keep on going down this corridor, you're slamming all of these doors shut and you get to the end of the corridor and there's only two doors left and everything else is shut. It does very much limit the amount of energy and flow that you have going on in your life.

00;32;58;19 - 00;33;17;11
Annette Dalloo
What needs to happen is you need to have the confidence to know that you can leave all those doors open and know that you're not going to walk through that door again. But leave the energy flowing because what it does is it cuts off energetically a part of yourself. And this is a part of your story.

00;33;17;11 - 00;33;39;12
Annette Dalloo
It's a part of who you are. It's a part of your learning. It's a part of your lessons is a part of all kinds of things. I really appreciate that because I yeah I don't really want to block people and you don't have to. And even if at some point he texts you and says, you know, whatever he's going to say to you and you decide to respond to him, if you're strong enough, you can respond.

00;33;39;12 - 00;33;55;03
Annette Dalloo
You can say, hey, I hope you're doing well. I hope everything's great in your world. Yeah, knowing full well that you're not going to walk through that door again. Yeah. You know, I did block three people recently. Who? And to me it was like, I'm just going to close those doors because those people have closed the door on me, okay?

00;33;55;03 - 00;34;15;26
Annette Dalloo
And I don't want to let them come back. Okay. So here's what's super interesting. The universe has a really, really beautiful way of removing people from your life that no longer are meant to be there. I have experienced this countless times in my life where a person is literally just disappeared or removed from my life because they are not meant to be there anymore.

00;34;16;01 - 00;34;32;19
Annette Dalloo
And this goes for friends, this goes for boyfriends, this goes for all kinds of people. And so I've come to realize that if a person is still in your life, there's still something you're meaning to learn from them. And if you're not going to learn it from them, you're probably going to learn it from somebody else who's going to give you a very similar experience.

00;34;32;22 - 00;34;52;25
Annette Dalloo
Yeah, yeah. So sometimes that connection that you have is meant to show you where you're not standing in your power. So maybe blocking these three people was exactly that you needed to do. The challenge is stepping away from the energy of, well, you're not giving to me, so I'm not giving to you. So I'm shutting that door by.

00;34;52;27 - 00;35;12;24
Annette Dalloo
That energy is wounding energy. It's victim energy. Yeah. If you can, at some point, you don't have to get there now because we can go through the gamut of emotions we don't have to get from the place of anger and resentment to unconditional love in one fell swoop. That's just not really something that happens. You have to go through all the steps.

00;35;12;29 - 00;35;32;10
Annette Dalloo
If you can get to a place where you can say, I can see why they were in my life. I appreciate the experience that I had with these people because of X, Y, and Z, I can appreciate that they are no longer aligned with me, and so I need to turn my attention towards an energy that will bring me the people who are aligned for me.

00;35;32;13 - 00;35;54;29
Annette Dalloo
Now, it's not to say that that's easy, because it's not. I'm actually going through something similar right now where a lot of my friendships have started to fall away, and I've been through this enough times where I know that when that happens, it is because I am meant to experience other energies, other people. I'm leveling up in my own energy and I'm being aligned with other people, places, things.

00;35;55;01 - 00;36;20;20
Annette Dalloo
When you get to that space of identifying the wounding that you have going on regarding these people that you blocked, nurturing yourself through, that you might be able to find yourself in a place where you can unblock them and let them go gently, as opposed to slamming the door. Yes, I feel like I'm coming to a place where I'm standing up for myself in my life, and so it is happening in a more violent way than I would prefer.

00;36;20;20 - 00;36;45;16
Annette Dalloo
And I don't mean violent, but like abrupt. Abrupt. Exactly. I'm like, oh, I like this. I'm proud of myself. And it doesn't have to be like that. It can be different, gentler. It can be. But often it's not. So if you consider it like a pendulum, when a pendulum is pulled all the way to one side, meaning I'm not standing up for myself.

00;36;45;16 - 00;37;03;28
Annette Dalloo
I'm not in my personal power. I'm letting people walk all over me. I'm allowing things to happen that I do not like. You're pulling that pendulum all the way to one side, okay? And then when you finally say, you know what? Enough is enough. I'm done with this. Imagine releasing that pendulum from that one side. What is it going to do?

00;37;03;29 - 00;37;26;09
Annette Dalloo
It's going to swing all the way to the other side, the other extreme. And what is the other extreme? The other extreme is for you. I'm not handling you anymore. You're going to hell. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's anger. Yeah. It's frustration. It's slamming the door shut. It's blocking people. It's standing in your power in the only way that you know how.

00;37;26;09 - 00;37;55;16
Annette Dalloo
Because you haven't done it yet. And so it creates this opposite distortion of what it feels like to stand in your power. I often use this analogy with feminism because what has happened for so many centuries and centuries and centuries is women have been persecuted and oppressed and harmed and all of these things. And so finally, when women have been able to start standing up for themselves, they're on the other side of the pendulum going, yeah, a few.

00;37;55;18 - 00;38;13;00
Annette Dalloo
I'm not taking this anymore, as opposed to being able to come into the center space of saying, you know what? I forgive you for whatever has happened, I'm going to stand in my own power and I'm going to do my thing, and I'm going to focus on all of the things that I can do in my power that is going to create the change that I want to happen.

00;38;13;04 - 00;38;36;15
Annette Dalloo
And we get there. We definitely get there. It's just a matter of that pendulum swing and being able to come back to the center. And that can only happen with the healing. So once that anger has been expressed, once that fear, that sadness, that grief, all of those emotions have been expressed and moved through the body, that's when you can start coming back to center and saying, oh, I trust myself now.

00;38;36;16 - 00;38;57;09
Annette Dalloo
I know how to stand in my power. I know how to stand up for myself. And it becomes intrinsic. It's not something you ever have to think about anymore. After that, it becomes something that is just part of your identity. Right? There's an example of this that I can share with you regarding my own life. I went out with a friend, I think it was last fall, and she's like, oh, there's these two guys that are in town from Marseilles.

00;38;57;09 - 00;39;10;17
Annette Dalloo
And you know, the one of them is a friend of mine. The other guy is single, like, we should go. And I was like, yeah, yeah, okay, cool. So we went and we went to this. Really. They took us to this really fancy restaurant, and we're having drinks. And the guy sitting across from me, he's cute, you know, he's really nice.

00;39;10;17 - 00;39;29;25
Annette Dalloo
And he basically says to me, I just don't know what to do. Like, my wife and I are in the process of getting a divorce. And my girlfriend, she's getting a divorce too. And then my other girlfriend is doing this and that. It us. And he's like, he's like, well, what do you think I should do? And I was like, I think that all of you are very unhealed and I think you need to spend some time alone.

00;39;30;00 - 00;39;55;24
Annette Dalloo
And he's like, oh my gosh, exactement. Oh my gosh. Yes, yes, yes, you're so right. It was so funny because though the previous version of me would have 100% been like, oh, I can be the healthy one for him, I can be the one to change him, you know? And then when I looked back on who I used to be when I was younger and who I am now, I'm just like I felt the strength in my power.

00;39;55;26 - 00;40;20;03
Annette Dalloo
I felt the strength of seeing this man and seeing him exactly for who he was and where he was, and all the things he was experiencing in his life, and having compassion for him, for having those experiences, but understanding that I want nothing to do with it. You know, when you get to that space, it becomes no question about what you're willing to accept or not accept into your experience.

00;40;20;06 - 00;40;45;20
Annette Dalloo
So that's why I was encouraging you to explore all of these different things, because there is not one template for how people are meant to be in a relationship. There are any number of ways that you can be in connection with somebody and have it work for you. You can set your own rules, you can make your own rules, but make sure they are your rules that you're playing by, not somebody else's.

00;40;45;24 - 00;41;05;21
Annette Dalloo
So when you come into your heart space to start making these rules, so to speak, and I'm saying that lightly because rules can change. You can change your belief systems, you can change your rules. Things can shift and change over time. That's not a big deal. But for now, really kind of connecting into your heart and asking yourself, okay, what is it that is truly important?

00;41;05;23 - 00;41;27;06
Annette Dalloo
What do I want out of a connection, and what am I willing to accept, and what am I willing not to accept? Does that feel doable for you? Yeah, okay. I think like the process that I'm going through currently in some ways and you can go through that process while you're still connected to this person if you end up being connected to them for another month, another couple of months, don't beat yourself up.

00;41;27;11 - 00;41;47;08
Annette Dalloo
Don't say to yourself, oh my God, I have to end this today. You know, if you feel like getting it today, cool, do it. But don't put so much pressure on yourself. A recent experience with him, I was really like, okay, I'm done. I want to see him in person. I want to tell him in person. And then that day he was going to come over and I was like, no, if he comes over, I actually just want to have sex with him.

00;41;47;08 - 00;42;16;09
Annette Dalloo
So yeah, and that's fine. Is there anything wrong in that in terms of your own judgment of yourself? No. It's just like an example of how I'm still in progress with it, I guess. Sure, absolutely. Let's sort of take a look at another scenario with this. If you were not crying sad, upset when he breaks up with you, if you were to shift this relationship to a sexual relationship only that's kind of what I've done.

00;42;16;09 - 00;42;43;26
Annette Dalloo
Okay, then that is something that you can certainly have as long as it is not negatively affecting your energy and emotions. Yeah. Thank you. I mean, that's kind of the shift that I've been in the process of making. Yeah. But then I'm like, am I just diluting myself so that I can keep this in my life? I mean, I think you can have sexual relationships that aren't really affecting you turn like to that same degree emotionally because I was like, okay, that's actually what's been going on.

00;42;43;26 - 00;43;15;01
Annette Dalloo
This is really just been a sexual relationship. I've just been invested in it emotionally in a way that he hasn't been correct. That's the biggest, biggest piece. Frankly, if you were in a sexual relationship with him that had no emotional or energetic attachment, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Oh yeah. Right. Is there anything we can do in terms of like ending contracts or unfortunately not, a contract needs to be ended by you deciding to end it.

00;43;15;03 - 00;43;40;00
Annette Dalloo
Okay? This is tied to your own self-worth and your personal power. I'm kind of checking in for a second. I want to see, like, what it would look like energetically if you were able to be in a sexual relationship with him without having any sort of energetic or emotional attachment. And what's interesting is, oh, the irony. Oh, that's so funny.

00;43;40;00 - 00;44;18;02
Annette Dalloo
Okay, so the interesting thing is, is that once you get to that place where you wouldn't care. You wouldn't want it anymore. Right? I love the universe. Sometimes the paradoxes that come up in our journeys are pretty amusing. So yeah I mean they're basically saying like had you gotten to that point already. Like you probably would have just completely lost interest and moved on to somebody else because it does go back to the feeling of wanting to be loved and getting that physical affection, given the fact that that is your love language is giving you the simulation or the feeling of it.

00;44;18;04 - 00;44;40;23
Annette Dalloo
So if you can recognize what you were needing in that moment, whenever you are in that space of like, well, okay, like I don't want to see them, but then I want to have sex. So what decision am I making right now? Connect to your heart before you make that decision and ask yourself, am I going to be fulfilled by having this sexual experience or am I not?

00;44;40;27 - 00;44;59;18
Annette Dalloo
And that answer can change based on what happens and where you are at that time. But you do need to ask yourself that question, because what's happening is you're having the sexual experience because you know that that's a way that you can have that temporary feeling of connection. Let me ask you this. How do you feel after the sex?

00;44;59;20 - 00;45;22;04
Annette Dalloo
I used to be like I don't know. I mean I felt words. How about the last time. Just the very last time I should say the most recent. Yeah. Like less less satisfied I would say okay. Like I think without the fantasy of this relationship it's lost some of it. Excitement. So what I would like you to do right now is I'd like you to close your eyes.

00;45;22;07 - 00;45;43;06
Annette Dalloo
And I would like you to imagine that you are traveling back in time to that very moment, and imagine that you are connecting to yourself at that moment. And I want you to ask that version of yourself how she's feeling. Lonely. Empty. Empty. Okay, anything else was, I think, sad and lonely as well. Oh, sad and lonely. Okay.

00;45;43;06 - 00;46;00;12
Annette Dalloo
Sorry I didn't hear that. And empty. Yeah. Okay. So can you ask her what it is that she needs right now to be loved? What? I okay, I just didn't want to say it. How would it feel for you to say to her right now that from this point forward, you were going to start to make decisions in honor of that?

00;46;00;17 - 00;46;21;23
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. How does that make her feel? Relieved. Good. So it can be the connection that you have with her right now that helps you to feel less lonely, that helps you to feel less disconnected. So it's like you're taking the version of yourself that is in the current state and the previous version of yourself, and you can walk hand in hand on this journey together and you can ask her opinion.

00;46;21;27 - 00;46;38;03
Annette Dalloo
So if you're about to make a decision, you can just close your eyes and ask her, what would you like me to do? And she can tell you. So I want you to be able to check in with her from time to time and see how she's feeling. Eventually, what will happen is that you two will become indistinguishable from each other because you will be the same.

00;46;38;08 - 00;46;58;19
Annette Dalloo
You will be on the same page. You will be making the same decisions. Okay. How are you feeling like that? We might have done something on an energetic level that will become apparent moving forward. Amazing, wonderful. All right. So we are going to close the Akashic Records. Thank you to a Coloma Akashic Guide. Thank you so much for being here and guiding us through this session.

00;46;58;19 - 00;47;11;26
Annette Dalloo
The records are closed. The records are closed. The records are closed. Thank you.

00;47;11;29 - 00;47;46;04
Annette Dalloo
Thank you so much, Lily, for allowing us to record your session for the podcast for the benefit of all of our listeners. There's a general thread throughout this session that I want to speak about, and then we're going to get into the particulars. The overarching message is talking about why we stay in relationships or connections that are either harmful to our energy, make us feel like crap, why we feel the need to stay in those connections.

00;47;46;06 - 00;48;12;11
Annette Dalloo
There can be a simple reason, or it can be something as complicated as an energetic bond, like a soul contract or a vow, or needing that familiarity of somebody who you have known from the past. Ultimately, it's about learning the lesson that you need to learn, regardless of whether or not it is a main life lesson or not.

00;48;12;13 - 00;48;53;26
Annette Dalloo
If you are in this connection with somebody and they are treating you in a way that is not loving, that is not honorable and that is not in your highest good, then take a look at your own behavior and what you are doing within this connection. What you are allowing, what boundaries you're not drawing. I can understand exactly where Lily was in this particular connection, because I was there many, many times with my twin flame where I was willing to accept breadcrumbs, nothing, very little energy that he was giving me in order to have some sort of connection with him.

00;48;54;00 - 00;49;32;02
Annette Dalloo
And the reason why I was doing that is not because I was responding to what was happening in that moment. I was hopeful for what the connection could potentially be, and that is about connecting into the soul of the other person, seeing who they are as a soul and knowing who they are as a soul, and then having the three dimensional representation of that person not match that version of them, the soul version of them, in any way or in a very small way.

00;49;32;04 - 00;50;09;04
Annette Dalloo
Ultimately, for me, what I had to realize was that I was chasing something that was not meant for me at that time. I was trying to see something in somebody that they were not willing to see within themselves. It goes as far as doing things that the other person wants to do versus things that you want to do, and it was a really good example that Lily brought up, which was, oh, he's teaching me drumming, and he's really good at drumming, and it's something that I'm not really that great at, and he's a good teacher.

00;50;09;04 - 00;50;34;23
Annette Dalloo
And then I asked her, do you really want to learn how to be a drummer? And she's like, no. And that hit so hard for me. It hit in such a personal way because I did that quite often with my twin flame. I would do the hobbies that he wanted me to do. I would do the things that he wanted to do and I would adopt them as my own.

00;50;35;00 - 00;50;56;00
Annette Dalloo
Now one of those things was cycling like I loved to go bike riding, loved it. But he took it to a different level where he would bike everywhere. Like that was his main mode of transportation. And over time I realized that I actually really don't like that at all. I like going on nice leisurely bike rides. I like going on scenic bike rides.

00;50;56;00 - 00;51;14;08
Annette Dalloo
I like doing it for fun or for exercise. I don't want to ride my bike to get from one place to another. I really don't like it at all. You're sweaty. You're disgusting. By the time you reach your destination, it's a giant hassle for me and I just don't like it. And that's not something I actually ever expressed to him.

00;51;14;11 - 00;51;37;13
Annette Dalloo
And it was something that I continued to do simply because it was something that I wanted to do to please him. And that's where we get stuck in these types of connections. We are not standing in our own power. We're not doing the things that we prefer to do, and we're not standing up for the things that we really like or the things that we find important.

00;51;37;15 - 00;52;07;14
Annette Dalloo
So technically, when the first time Lily found out that this man was lying to her about seeing somebody else, even though they were open about it, seemingly he still lied to her about some of these things that very first time he lied to her, there should have been some form of a conversation. And if the lying continued, then the behavior would have been the driving force for her to decide to leave.

00;52;07;17 - 00;52;45;12
Annette Dalloo
When you decide to leave a connection like this, it's exactly as I said in the session. It's not about slamming the door. It is about strongly and firmly setting those boundaries that you have that this type of behavior is not acceptable in a romantic connection for you, and that essentially you would like to take that energy that you would have otherwise put into somebody who is not giving you back that equal response to somebody who will, somebody who will meet you there halfway, somebody who will give you that equanimity.

00;52;45;12 - 00;53;07;27
Annette Dalloo
It is hard because we get ourselves into these cycles and sometimes these cycles go back into past lives. And that's exactly what happened with Lily. There was a past life that she had with this man, and essentially they are sort of replaying the same things over and over again. And it is her job to break that cycle because she's the one that is allowing it.

00;53;08;02 - 00;53;39;28
Annette Dalloo
It is not his job necessarily to change his behavior, although he can, and that is part of his journey if he is meant to. But it is not her job to make him change, or to make him see the light, or to do something to guide him in the correct direction. And that's something that we fall into as a trap sometimes, where we see the soul of that person and we see how beautiful they are on the inside, and we want nothing more than that person to come through.

00;53;40;04 - 00;54;08;14
Annette Dalloo
And yet it just doesn't happen. And we wait and we wait and we wait for that moment to happen where that beautiful person comes through and it just doesn't come. And that is because we are waiting on somebody else's journey. And that's madness. You can't wait on somebody else's journey. Like, think about how long it's taken for you to get from one place to the next energetically, and imagine that you are just sitting around waiting for somebody else to do the same thing.

00;54;08;14 - 00;54;31;14
Annette Dalloo
It's not a healthy thing to do, and it's not something that's going to benefit you in any way. And that took me a really, really long time to figure out. It took me a long time to identify that. While my twin flame has the most beautiful soul and the most beautiful heart, his behaviors towards himself and towards others are not aligned with that beautiful soul and that beautiful heart.

00;54;31;14 - 00;54;56;15
Annette Dalloo
And there's nothing I can do about that. And so the only thing that I can do, which is the only thing that Lily could also do, which is to draw the boundary and remove herself from the situation. It can be difficult. And what is important here is not judging yourself. As I said to Lily, if you end up going back to him, if you end up not breaking up with him for the next several months, that's fine.

00;54;56;18 - 00;55;24;24
Annette Dalloo
Don't judge yourself for it. It'll unfold the way that it needs to unfold, but you need to set the intention that I am moving into an energy that is more healthy for me. I am moving into an energy where I can speak my truth about the things that I like and don't like that ultimately, the reason why maybe Lily was taking drumming lessons is just so she could spend some time with him.

00;55;24;24 - 00;55;51;12
Annette Dalloo
So instead of saying, yeah, I would like to take drumming lessons, she can simply say, I just want to spend time with you and not doing the drumming lessons just as a means to get there. So always look at the motivations behind why you're doing certain things. 

00;56;13;17 - 00;56;41;00
Annette Dalloo
It takes practice, and it takes time to stand in your power to know what it is within your heart that you truly want out of a connection and within the relationship. That being said, you can also write your own rules. This is one of the reasons why I had asked Lily about being in an open relationship. Because you can set your own boundaries, your own rules when it comes to relationships, you can be in an open relationship.

00;56;41;00 - 00;57;01;15
Annette Dalloo
You can live in separate places. You don't always have to live in the same household if you don't want to. You can set those rules for whatever works for you. Traditional roles in relationships have no place anymore. There's no reason for them. If you decide to have children and have a family but not get married, great. That's fine.

00;57;01;15 - 00;57;22;19
Annette Dalloo
If that's what you and your partner decide, there's nothing wrong with that. If you decide to not have children, there's nothing wrong with that either. If you decide to live on opposite ends of the world and come together six months out of the year, if that really works for you, then do it. Don't feel like you have to be together all the time, all day, every day.

00;57;22;25 - 00;58;02;26
Annette Dalloo
Because here's a secret when you have the base and foundation of trust, divine connection, communication, and unconditional love, there's no amount of distance. There's no amount of lack of texting. There's no amount of anything that can shake that foundation in your day to day experience. So imagine what it would be like to be in a partnership where you decide that you want to just go on a trip with some girlfriends, and that partner says to you, yeah, go have fun, I'll see you in two weeks, or see you in three weeks, as opposed to them being completely attached and saying, no, I don't want you to go.

00;58;02;26 - 00;58;29;20
Annette Dalloo
I don't want you to leave me. Do you sense the difference in that energy? And it could happen on both sides of the spectrum, where one person could be very needy and the other person could be very detached. It could be something where there is an insecure attachment style, there could be an avoidant attachment style. That's where you start getting into problems with distance, with communication, with trust.

00;58;29;20 - 00;58;57;08
Annette Dalloo
And once that trust is broken, it can be built again. But it does take time and it needs to be worked on over and over again. That trust needs to be solidified in whatever way you both decide to regain that trust. No amount of daily texting, no amount of seeing a person literally every day is going to bring that trust, because you can be right next to somebody 24 over seven and still not trust them.

00;58;57;08 - 00;59;21;25
Annette Dalloo
It is about the behavior that is within you. The behavior that is within them, the energetic connection they have to themselves, and the energetic connection you have to yourself and how those connections meet in the middle, how those connections meet up together in that reciprocity, that communication. Because not everybody's going to communicate in the same way, not everybody has the same love language.

00;59;21;28 - 01;00;00;25
Annette Dalloo
And so those things need to be discussed. Those things need to be identified. So you can work within the strengths of both people in the relationship. Or if it's a polyamorous relationship, the all the people in the relationship. That brings me to having multiple people in a relationship. The one thing you have to understand about that is that you are bringing in the energy of every single person you have sex with, so keep that in mind when you are in a polyamorous relationship, is that you will be taking on the energy of your partners, and you will be bringing that home to your main partner, if you will.

01;00;00;27 - 01;00;26;21
Annette Dalloo
So be very discerning about the types of energies that you are inviting in, because sex is an energy just like everything else. And if you are having sex with people who have really seriously toxic energy, guess what? That toxic energy is coming with you now. It might not be there permanently. If it's a person that you're with for a short amount of time, but it is something that can mess with your energy field in a big way.

01;00;26;27 - 01;00;52;15
Annette Dalloo
So just pay attention to that aspect if this is part of your journey. So let's talk about love languages for a second. And I just want to talk about one specific one which is the physical touch. Love language. And I want to speak about this specifically because this was what Lily was talking about. And I want to talk about this specifically because this was the particular love language that I believe was Lily's dominant.

01;00;52;15 - 01;01;25;08
Annette Dalloo
And the reason why I guided her to sort of explore that was because I do believe that the reason why she was staying with this man was because her love language, being physical touch was being activated with him. Now, I don't want to say fulfilled because it wasn't getting fulfilled, but it was getting activated. So when you have physical touch as a dominant love language, you can get that need met very easily through sex, through hugging, through kissing, through any sort of physical touch.

01;01;25;09 - 01;01;49;29
Annette Dalloo
The challenge with that is that you can easily do that without being conscious of the energetic repercussions of it. Now, for me, my dominant love language is quality time, and that's how I receive love. So somebody spending time with me would be some way that I can receive that love. Now, if somebody gives me gifts, will I receive the love in that same way?

01;01;49;29 - 01;02;15;06
Annette Dalloo
Probably not. But I can still recognize that that would be something that they are trying to do. Interestingly enough, how I give love is through gifts and also acts of service. I think those are the two top ones that I use when I am trying to give love. But that's the thing, is that you have to ask the person how they receive love and then give them that love accordingly.

01;02;15;10 - 01;02;46;00
Annette Dalloo
Can you fall into sort of toxic aspects of the love languages in other aspects, such as quality time? Sure. I could say that I wanted to spend whatever time I could with my twin flame, no matter what it was that I was doing. So that would be a toxic version of that where instead of spending time with him doing things that I really enjoyed or he really enjoyed, and we were doing these things together and it was a mutual energy.

01;02;46;00 - 01;03;04;26
Annette Dalloo
There were times when I was doing things that I really didn't enjoy, simply because I just wanted to spend the time with him. And so what I could do in a healthy sense to say, oh no, I'm good. I don't really need to do that. I would prefer to do something else. If you'd like to join me later, feel free.

01;03;04;26 - 01;03;36;11
Annette Dalloo
But I'm going to bow out from that particular situation. That would be the healthy way to express that. So it's not something that I have heard people talk about often, which is the distortion in how to get your love language fulfilled. But it's something to pay attention to. Are you trying to get that love fulfilled by just having sex with people that you don't really want to have sex with, simply because you need to feel that dopamine hit, that you need to get that feeling of love.

01;03;36;13 - 01;03;58;01
Annette Dalloo
Even if it's not actual love, it gives you that illusion of it. Pay attention to where this shows up for you. Acts of service. That's another one. Are you constantly trying to do things for other people, even if they're not asking you for it? Are you constantly asking people to do things for you when you could easily do them yourself?

01;03;58;04 - 01;04;22;11
Annette Dalloo
Are you relying too much on other people because you're wanting that love feeling to be activated within you? So meditate on this a little bit and think about where you might be in distortion, in the way in which you receive love. The last thing I want to speak about right now is the potential fear that some people have.

01;04;22;11 - 01;04;46;19
Annette Dalloo
When they come to me for sessions. One of those fears that I have heard is that, well, I don't want to ask about my boyfriend, my husband, my girlfriend, my wife, because what if the guides tell me we are not meant to be together? I will always follow the guidance of what your guardian angels, your spirit team, is telling me, or the messages that I'm getting from my team.

01;04;46;19 - 01;05;22;05
Annette Dalloo
It's not very often that I will get into a situation where the guides are saying, absolutely not. This person needs to get out of this relationship. It's never that cut and dry. Your free will also has a lot to do with it. Trajectories, soul contracts, past lives. There are so many things that go into these answers. This was a particular session in which the actual reason for them being together is for her to leave him so she can stand in her power and break the cycle of incarnating with this person.

01;05;22;10 - 01;05;47;13
Annette Dalloo
And that can happen from time to time. And I have spoken about in the past where oftentimes people will marry people in this lifetime simply to remove any wedding vows that they took in a previous life. And oftentimes you can tell if that's the case, if you end up getting married. And maybe, let's say you've been dating for ten years, you get married, and then a year later you're divorced.

01;05;47;13 - 01;06;13;28
Annette Dalloo
It's that type of situation. There are so many different facets and reasons why the guides would tell you that you're not meant to be with somebody, but ultimately, most of the time it is about your freewill choice. It is about your journey, what you are meant to experience and your own personal work, your shadow work, the work that you do on your soul, on your human self.

01;06;13;28 - 01;06;36;20
Annette Dalloo
All of the things that we talk about here on this podcast, that is what is important and what is meant for you will stay, and what is meant to fall away will fall away. So I want to say that to give you a little bit of confidence or ease your discomfort a little bit in the thought that maybe the guides would tell you something, you didn't want to hear.

01;06;36;20 - 01;06;59;13
Annette Dalloo
It's interesting because when I was getting readings before, I was able to do these types of readings and connecting in myself, I had several psychic readings where they told me that my twin flame was never going to reach the level that he needed to in order to be an energetic match for me, basically telling me that I needed to walk away.

01;06;59;13 - 01;07;19;11
Annette Dalloo
Then I needed to leave, that I needed to not be with him, that I needed to do X, Y, and Z in order to cut myself away from him. And at the time, I couldn't even fathom it because I was getting so many signs from the universe that I needed to stay connected to him, that I needed to continue doing the things that I was doing, and I didn't understand why.

01;07;19;15 - 01;07;40;24
Annette Dalloo
Now I understand why, because I understand now what this journey has taught me. I understand why I have experienced the things that I have so I can help other people move through these experiences. So this was part of my journey. It was part of what I was meant to do because of the fact that this is what I am helping people with.

01;07;40;26 - 01;08;06;16
Annette Dalloo
So were the other psychics that I saw. Were they wrong? No, they weren't wrong. It was just that I knew in my heart that there was something else within this connection that I was not getting, and that maybe they weren't getting either. And also keep in mind, and I've said this many times before, when you get a psychic reading that is future telling or that is reading the energy of your current state, it is a snapshot of what is going on in that very moment.

01;08;06;16 - 01;08;31;15
Annette Dalloo
So of course, in that very moment, my twin flame was in some pretty dark energy. And so there were a lot of things that were going on within him that when the psychic reader would read it, would see that, yeah, this is an energy that you don't want to be around.

01;08;31;20 - 01;08;49;17
Annette Dalloo
So did it take me a really long time to be able to stand in my own power and say, you know what, twin flame or not, this is something that I really need to step away from. Yeah, it took me a really long time, but I learned so much along the way. I encourage you to do that exploration.

01;08;49;17 - 01;09;14;23
Annette Dalloo
If you are in the same situation where you are with somebody who you know is not good for you, who you know is not elevating this experience, who is not meeting you in that beautiful, yummy energy of expansion and creation and joy and happiness and love. Just know that you can create that. But sometimes you need to let go.

01;09;14;26 - 01;09;38;17
Annette Dalloo
Sometimes you need to let go of what is familiar and what you're afraid to lose in order to find what is meant for you. If you're enjoying this podcast, it would be really amazing if you could like, share and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Whether it's Apple or Spotify, feel free to give it a review if you feel cold.

01;09;38;17 - 01;10;02;04
Annette Dalloo
If you are following me on YouTube, make sure you subscribe and hit the bell so you are notified for every single new episode of the Akashic Recordings. If you feel called to book a session with me, you can always reach me at Infinite Soul love.com and you can book directly on my website. Thank you so much for all of your support and I can't wait to connect with you next week.